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sometimes I'm the only one laughing.

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      21 Jul 2011

      Because ostrich humor is sometimes funny

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      A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich. They sit down and the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich.

      "What's yours?" the waitress asks.

      "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

      A short time later, the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

      The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke."

      The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

      This becomes a routine, until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

      "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man.

      "Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says,

      "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

      The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

      "Well," says the man, "several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just have to put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

      "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

      "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

      The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

      The man replies with a slight frown, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs." 

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      29 Jul 2010

      Two fer the road

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      A double shot from the archives:

      Two good-old-boys, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

      "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

      "What fer?" asked Bubba.

      "Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.

      Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

      "No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."

       

      ***

      Two heavy drinkers were standing at the bar, downing one beer after another. 
When they had gotten a little inebriated, one man said to the other,
"I bet you one hundred dollars you cannot swallow one hundred coins!"

      The second man said, "Bartender! Another round for both of us. And, I got 20 cents back, right? 
Well, give me the change all in pennies -- and another dollar's worth, besides!!"

      After he finished drinking the brew, and drinking the pennies down, he passed out on the floor -- completely unconscious!
When the bartender called the ambulance, a local newspaper reporter showed up at the hospital where he was taken. "How is he doing?" the reporter asked.

      The Doctors monitoring his situation say, "So far, no change."

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    Erudite gentleman-about-town. With 100% more Jesus since 1992.

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