From my archives
Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer Yer Frend, BiLLY
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa
Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, How 'bout some nice Legos instead? Santa
Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? Santa
Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Kaopectate, two Immodium, and nose plugs. Santa
Timmy, That whiney begging may work with your folks, but not with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky
Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting beat up at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa
